Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Oops, long gaps!

I apparently just... forgot to post for quite some time.

I'm still working in my ever-going challenge to better myself.

I've noticed that since I've been regularly taking the thyroid medications, my mood swings are much less frequent and severe.

Since I no longer weigh myself, the number really no longer matters. I'm trying very hard to free myself from feeling my value tied to my relationship with gravity.

I'm surrounded by people who tell me I'm beautiful. Why not listen? I'm encouraged to wear cuter clothes, and nice shoes, and just be happy.

I bought myself some Wonder Woman chucks because I am awesome.

I'm still logging food and tracking my stats with Body Media. It helps me keep aware of how much I am eating, and what. I think it will always be a good idea to be mindful of what I put into my body.

Although I don't manage to make it to Crossfit as often as I'd like, I will keep trying.

I signed up to run Tough Mudder in November. Ready or not, I'm doing it, and I will cross the finish line. And because I am insane, I am going to participate in the Great Bull Run.

Then, in yet more possible insanity, I'm shaving my head. I will be cutting off all of my hair and donating to Locks of Love, and then I am raising money for St. Baldrick's, which means shaving the rest of it off. If you're interested, you can donate here: http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/643222/2013

I'm only at $555/2000, but anything I raise helps. And who knows - maybe it'll be fun! I've never had short hair.

At any rate, that's what I'm doing at the moment.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

An Almost Weekly Report

I'm still plodding along, doing my thing.

Food has been going really well. Yes, I do cheat, I'd go crazy if I didn't.

But for the most part, my calories have been in check and I'm eating very reliably what I'd call a Paleo diet. Best of all, it's getting easier.

My cravings are changing. It's not donuts and candy anymore. I'm getting plenty of sugar from honey and dark chocolate, and I don't feel the need for bread. I craved it like crazy in the beginning, and taking bread out of your life is incredibly difficult in the beginning.

I do still crave three major comfort foods: macaroni and cheese, pizza, and fettuccine Alfredo. I don't know that these will go away, and so these are what I allow myself to eat on cheat day.

Here's the report breakdown:

My calorie burn is going up and up. I find that I don't really care how many calories I eat, because I seem to coming in with a good deficit by sticking to foods that I know are healthy. My exercise is way up - averaging an hour a day.

That's huge. In addition to Crossfit three times a week, and agility with my dog twice a week - there's all the house cleaning, and other fun things I do that are adding up to more and more exercise. I'm finding fun things to do besides TV and video games (although I do still make time for them, as hobbies are good to have!)

I'm about to add even more - I'm adopting a new dog. I'll post more about her later, as she'll be coming home on Sunday. She's a large, athletic breed of dog - and at only a year old, she's going to require a lot of walks and jogging. I'm hoping to get back to jogging in the mornings on days I don't attend Crossfit.

(Remember my year end goal of Tough Mudder? Well, It's in November... so I have to keep up the training if I want to survive it!)

Monday the 25th is also my 7 year anniversary, so the husband and I are going to stay in a Bed and Breakfast and go horseback riding for the weekend.

I also did not purchase my shoes last weekend... because I felt like I cheated more than once on food. However I think I will be allowed to get them this week!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Progress post!

Last weeks starting the 90 to Life challenge has been interesting.

Having a group of people pushing you... well, I'd be lying if I didn't say it helped. They make you not want to fail. It's one thing to be public (As I do here) but it is another thing to have a lot of people actually CARE, and call you to make sure you come in on time, and encourage you, and tell you not to give up.

Last week went really, really well. I dropped 5.3 lbs by following a very strict paleo diet, and returning to Crossfit. I'm sure that initial weight drop isn't going to be the norm, but it was nice to see anyway, and really encouraging.

This weeks goal is simple: The word 'try' is not acceptable. Try gives you an opportunity to quit, to find an excuse. Either do it or don't. Do it and fail, or don't do it at all.

I love those pics, with wrong authors and wrong photos, they crack me up. Obviously, neither Dumbledore nor Gandalf said this - but Yoda.

At any rate, here is the report from the last seven days:

This is the overall report. Breakdowns to follow.

I'm proud of this one. My fat intake is still pretty high, but I bet that has a lot to do with my snacking an almonds all day. My cholesterol is high because I eat about 1.5 dozen eggs a week. I am not concerned with it as all my blood work from my doctor is normal and I do not have high cholesterol despite how many eggs I eat.

This I'm really excited about - my exercise. I did something every single day. Wednesday, Friday, and Monday include Crossfit. Wednesday and Monday also include Agility with my dog. Saturday and Sunday include house cleaning. Tuesday and Thursday were rest days.
This part sucks, and I do not know how to fix it. My sleep habits are awful. The dark grey parts are time actually asleep, the light grey parts are lying down but not asleep. I lie down for plenty of time but I never seem to manage to get to sleep.
My room is a dark color, and cool. I have blackout curtains. I do not eat before bed. It is either I can't fall asleep, or when I do - I can't stay asleep. I wake constantly, and I toss and turn a lot. I often have very vivid dreams that tend to wake me up.
Either way, I'm moving along.
At the end of this week, I'm going to reward myself. With Wonder Woman shoes.

Monday, March 4, 2013

90 to Life

I signed up for a 90 to Life challenge with my local Crossfit box.

I have to come up with goals for each week, weigh in weekly, and work in a group to help motivate and stay motivated.

My goals are:

  • To get some type of exercise every day of the workweek, and giving myself the weekend to rest.
  • Remember to take my medications.
  • Write down everything I eat.
  • Eat only what I cook, or comes in a 'natural package'.
Didn't want to set the bar too high and set myself up to fail.

I weighed in this morning, at 210.1. Yeah, 4 lbs over what I was last week. All of my progress, gone in a weekend.


I took it easy this weekend. I've been so busy - always coming and going and working for everyone else, so I took time for myself.

This translated into a weekend of watching TV and hanging out with my husband.

Saturday our 'cheat meal' ended up being Jet's Pizza. I had two slices Saturday night, and two for breakfast on Sunday. I suppose our cheat meal ended up being two meals, then, heh.

But still - 4 lbs in 2 days? Really? I have to assume that with the Paleo diet, I'm not eating breads or cheeses, and pizza is also fairly salty, so perhaps I'm retaining a bit more than normal due to that.

I hate my body sometimes. Why can't I be a normal person?

Monday, February 25, 2013

A look back...

These are the results from the past 7 days. It is nice to see an average deficit of 851 calories, and it looks like I get plenty of exercise. But averages don't tell the whole story, and I ended up gaining 1.5 lbs since last week.

This is my caloric consumption report. Despite eating a Paleo diet, I still still to be consuming way too many carbs and fat compared to my protein - I am shooting for a 40% protein diet.

You'll note that Saturday went way above my goal - and that was my "cheat day". I worked an open house all day Saturday, and I meant to have only a cheat meal for dinner.

I started the day off by waking up late, and not eating breakfast. The only things available at open house were cake and a hot dog, so I ate some. Then I got home, and I knew we were going to a friend's house for game night - the originally planned cheat meal.

We ended up eating pizza and washing it down with some red wine. I didn't realize how much I had indulged until I started logging my food.

Sunday seems lower in calories only because for some reason, I just wasn't hungry.

Basically, I learned that when I literally have 20 minutes to eat, I struggle to come up with easy, fast, Paleo-friendly foods. I want to resort to pasta, a sandwich, a hamburger, or even a drive-in when I am rushed.

I get burnt out on constant planning, I like spontaneity in life. However my body doesn't seem to agree with me, so I guess it is back to planning out every last second of my day.

How long can I live like this until I crack from the stress of it all?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Progress, I has some!

I am almost finished with week two of a solid Paleo-based diet. (I say based, because I did have a cheat meal once a week, and sometimes I made a mistake in determining if something was considered paleo or not)

Here is my progress according to my armband. Can you tell I love this thing? My favorite part is looking at all the charts!

This is my overall performance summary. I am actually still pretty normal in my daily calories consumed vs burned - keeping very, very close to the target deficit of 1000 calories. Physical activity is still a good, above average. I've brought my kettlebell to work now that I have a slightly bigger office, so I can get in a little more strength training even if I haven't been going to Crossfit lately.

Steps are still on the low side, but I do work an 8-5 desk job. Sleep seems to be improving. I think this has to do with my headache medications, as the side effects include "drowsiness". I take them before bed and I have been sleeping rather well.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Paleo Progress

At the end of my first week back into a complete Paleo lifestyle... (including one cheat meal of pizza...), I am VERY excited to report that I lost 3.5 lbs in 7 days.

I ate more calories than I had been previously - from an average of 1300, to an average of 1700. I am eating more often, and feeling less hungry.

I am also on levothyroxine again to help with my thyroid issues, and that started on Saturday morning - as well as amatryptaline for my headaches.

My grocery bill went up, but my eating out bill came down - so in the end, I suppose it is about the same for food costs.

Cooking time and prep has gone up considerably, but as I am entering week two I am finding ways to circumvent that. For example, I know that on Tuesday's I am busy until almost 9:30 PM - so I simply make a crock pot meal that day to eliminate the cooking.

On Sunday's I made Paleo Waffles (the recipe can be found on my craft blog, The Divine Domestics), and made enough to carry me and my husband through the week. This makes breakfast convenient, delicious, and healthy. I also made apple muffins - and with a tiny bit of butter, they are to die for.

I am still experimenting with food but it seems my body is responding very positively to the changes. For the time being, my husband and I will continue to allow on cheat meal per week on Saturdays to help us with our cravings - but I suspect that will soon drop off.

Although I am no longer restricting caloric intake, I am still recording what I eat so I have an idea of how many calories I consume, and where they come from. It is also helpful to see how much protein, carbs, and fat I consume.

Exercises again, has fallen by the wayside - but that is something I hope to remedy soon. I just seem to only be able to focus on one thing at a time.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Weighed in at 211 recently, on the 11th. My all-time-high was 213. This is.. not okay.

I became extremely angry and I wanted to just.. break down and cry about it.

Instead I took it out on the kitchen. I removed ALL JUNK FOOD, and then went to Publix. I am 100% Paleo from here on out. I lost 10 lbs in a month of Paleo before - and while I do not expect the same result, I do expect SOME result (especially in conjunction with properly adjusted thyroid medication).

Paleo gives me a set of rules that are easy to follow, and I have two huge cookbooks available. I picked out 5 things I like, and each week I'll test ONE new recipe to add to my selection. This forces me to remove crap like soda, bread, pasta, candy, baked goods etc from my diet, and encourages me to eat more lean meats, vegetables, and fruits. I already miss cheese...
So far, the Paleo transition is going SUPER WELL.

I've been varying snacks/breakfasts to avoid boredom, and scanning Pinterest. LOTS of options.

I've come down almost 4 lbs in four days. I do not care WHAT caused this shift, but I'll take it!

I'm still logging all my food, but I don't care about the calories. I feel I can only fight one battle at a time - and I choose to work on WHAT I eat, THEN how much.

So far this week I have enjoyed a pecan encrusted chicken, chicken enchilada soup, apple and shallot pork chops, and some steak. I made some delicious nutty cookies from scratch and home made waffles.

The trick will of course be to keep up with PLANNING. If I fail to plan, I will fail at this. So at the end of the week, we'll figure out which recipes we liked best, and select a new one to try. Tuesdays will have to be crock pot meals as I have puppy class and such from 6-8, leaving me almost no time to cook. But that is ok, because crock pot stuff is amazeballs.

Also I made SUPER WATER, which is that water you see all over pinterest that has lemons, cucumbers and mint leaves in it? SUPPOSEDLY it has all this 'good for you stuff' in it, but.. it actually tastes quite GOOD, so it is a nice tasty addition to just plain water.

Also i cut my finger really really bad last night on a mandolin slicer. I might need stitches... going to the doctor this morning for test results from last week's blood test, and to show her this cut :/

Maybe the .9 lb from last night is the blood I lost!!

Friday, February 1, 2013

End of week recap

Despite how tired I was, and how I never made it to Crossfit - I did maintain one thing.

Keeping an eye on my calories.

Here's a recap from my week. I came in under on my calories burned, so I just ate a bit less. A 'bit' less turned into a 'lot' less over the average, giving me an average deficit of 1231 calories - 231 more than my goal.

Exercise, on the other hand, suffered. That' is less than half of my normal average - and likely, just my weekly agility class with my dog and general walking around.

Sleep is also struggling - and could be tied to the exhaustion and headaches I've been dealing with.

The sad part? Despite my best efforts - still not a budge in the scale.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Oh a Doctor I will see...

Made it back in to see another doctor.

Something isn't right with me.
  1. Exhausted ALL the time.
  2. Headaches. Constantly.
  3. Zero energy for anything.
  4. Can not lose weight. At all. No matter how hard I try.
  5. Majorly depressed and stressed often.
I expressed these five concerns when I visited. A full blood panel was ordered. She suspects my thyroid is the root of all of this, and we may need some medication adjustments to correct this.

She is the first doctor in my life who has ever told me I'm doing things correctly, and it may not be all my fault. I overloaded her with dietary printouts and exercise history courtesy of Body Media, heh.

She was glad to see that I am in fact - TRYING - and not just sitting around crying about it. Which was comforting, the last doctor I went to basically told me I was fat, and I MUST be doing something wrong.

Blood panel is scheduled for next week, then pending results... she'll adjust medication and see if we can squish the exhaustion.

After all, I can't finish Tough Mudder feeling like this!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I'm so tired, I just want to go to sleep... and not get back up.

I am so incredibly tired. Horribly so.

I fall asleep standing up. Driving is... awkward. Work is awful. Coffee, energy drinks... they don't touch it.

I'm having a hard time getting out of bed. I just... can't find the motivation. I want to call in sick to work.

I'm also... incredibly angry. Angry and a bit depressed.

Almost two years of work into my body - Crossfit, running, counting calories.

What do I have to show for it? I went from 213 to 192, then have been climbing back up to where I am now - 206.

No matter what I do, I can't lose weight.

Hearing other people be successful is making me even more angry. It seems like it's so... easy for other people. I realize everyone has their own battle to fight.

But how do people lose 80 pounds in six months, and I can't lose ten in a year? Why is my body so stupid and repulsive, and disgusting?

It's not like I went on a 'diet' for a week and then freaked out. This is almost two years after I started.

Two years.

Does anyone know what it's like to struggle for two years and have nothing to show for it? It's embarrassing.

I should be thinner - even a tiny bit.

And I'm not. I'm not thinner, I'm not stronger, I'm not any better. I'm the same fat horrific blob I've always been and will always be.

I am going to a wedding in a few months... and the bride is so beautiful. She lost so much weight, and she's so thin and strong. She's always been pretty but now.. now she's absolutely breathtaking.

And she did all of this while I struggled so hard all this time to lose... apparently, nothing.

Sometimes, I just... I just want to not wake up. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being such a fat, ugly, pathetic loser.

I just... I hate myself and my body so much. I would do anything to be thin and beautiful.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Goodness I'm Tired...

Somehow, earlier this week, I ran out of steam.

I've been exhausted every day this week so far - to the point where I can barely keep my eyes open at work.

According to my armband, I'm getting more sleep than usual - actually hitting the 7-8 hour mark. Somehow, I'm still so tired.

I can't get up with my alarm to go run or go to Crossfit. If I stay in bed, I can get two more hours by sleeping till 7. Every day so far I've needed it, but it hasn't made a difference in my energy level.

Coffee, energy drinks, tea - nothing has made a dent in this weird cloud of tiredness.

I don't know what's going on, but it needs to go away. I have too much going to be brought down by exhaustion!

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Color Run

Sunday was the Color Run in Orlando. The Color Run is 'The Happiest 5K on the Planet' - and they aren't lying!

I've never had so much fun doing an activity I dislike so much! (I hate running, ok?)

The Color Run 5K is an event with about 10,000 people who show up dressed in white. It's not a race, so it's not timed (unless you time yourself) - and they throw colors at you for each kilometer you pass.

Here's me at the start of the race. Dressed in white, sporting my Body Media armband on one side, and my phone on other so I could time myself and listen to music. I ran this along with Courtney, a fellow writer from my craft blog The Divine Domestics, and we made tutus to wear.

Here's a race map, and you can see where the colors were thrown at us. I've been training for the past 8 weeks, getting ready for this 5k. Although it wasn't timed, I knew I'd have to time myself because I need to see the progress.

There were supposedly 10,000 people in this race - and I'm inclined to believe it! I had a hard time darting around people, and although they told us that slower movers should keep to the right - no one seemed to follow it. I was daring in and out of people the whole run - sometimes even being forced to walk due to crowding.

But man was it fun. Each color was like walking into a cloud. People would throw it on you, shovel if on you, and you can run, walk, dance, or cartwheel through it. I met once incredibly sweet gentlemen in a wheelchair who ran it with his wife, and one mother who carried a cardboard cut out of her child dressed in white because the child could not be present.

At the end of the race - I was hot, and tired, and very colorful.

I'm ever so glad for the sunglasses keeping the color out of my eyes, and the bandanna that kept it out of my mouth and nose for the most part.

My Runkeeper stats indicate that I finished this run in 44:36 minutes with an average pace of 14:57 per mile. That's something to be proud of!

May the Runicorn be with you!

Friday, January 11, 2013


I've been using my armband pretty consistently - and I feel like I am finally getting real results with it.

You can see here that even though I'm not hitting the calorie burn goal on average - I am however, keeping my calories even with it. When I check the progress throughout the day, I can see if I'm behind target, and adjust my calorie intake on a daily level.

This has been a tremendous help in finding out exactly how much to eat, rather than an estimate.

I've noticed that apps like Runkeeper give me an estimated burn calories of way higher than my Body Media armband does - and it can vary by quite a bit. To stay on the safe side, I stick to what the armband suggests rather than an estimate based on my BMI.

I also am glad to see that my daily average for exercise is 42 minutes a day - across a period of 7 days. I'm getting some form of exercise every single day - either running, or Crossfit - and that's important.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

5K only 5 days away

The Color Run looms over me, just 5 days away.

I had to re-do two weeks of the C25K program - partly because things went catywompus over Christmas, and it slowed me down a bit.

Yesterday was the last day of week 6, and I ran 25 minutes. There were a few pauses to catch my breath here and there, but for the most part - I made it.

The remaining parts of the program are no longer intervals. This week is all 25 minutes at a time, going up to 28 next week, and 30 after that.

My most recent run was yesterday - I made it 2.10 miles in 25 minutes, with about a 16:53 minute pace.

I've been feeling pretty bad about my pace. I feel like I'm working so hard but I am just so slow. Going to the Color Run on Sunday with a nearly 17 minute mile means taking 54 minutes to complete the full 5k.

I was stressing about this quite a bit, but why? Why am I being so competitive?

The Color Run isn't even timed!
The Color Run is a fun run. I have my white outfit and even a tutu that I made. I'll be tracking myself for the data, but why am I fretting over my speed?
Then I logged onto TheBerry today and I came across this image:
And suddenly I had the motivation I needed. It doesn't matter how fast or how slow I am. I am running because I want to be healthy and strong. I am running because my breathing and cardiovascular health has improved dramatically. I am running because there is something special about 5 AM.

The darkness, the coolness, the music, and the puppy plodding along beside me. Breathe, relax, run.