Thursday, May 31, 2012

Don't sweat the small things.

I have spent the past several weeks fretting about something incredibly stupid. I was going home to my mother's wedding, and I knew my father had moved back into town. I haven't seen the man in quite a few years, and I am not particularly fond of him - and that's putting it EXTREMELY mild.

I was scared stupid that I would see him and he would call me fat.

My weight is my greatest weakness. I can't handle it when the scale calls me fat - there was no way I could survive my father doing it.

So for weeks, I stressed over it. I cried when the scale went up because it meant it was that much more likely to happen. I had many a depressive episode in that time period, and was not very good to myself.

Then I went to the wedding... and guess what? He didn't even show his face. I stressed out that bad over something that could happen, never stopping to think about the opposite - what if he didn't?

Once I realized I was in the clear - I felt light and happy and relaxed. Finally. I realize now that this one thing has been stressing me so bad, I couldn't even function at times. And that's just silly.

He didn't show up. Crisis averted. Instead of being called fat, the opposite happened. Everyone, who I haven't seen in quite a few years, told me how good I looked. That I looked healthy and gorgeous, and one person even spent a good amount of time talking up my awesomely muscular arms. Seriously.

So I'm sharing a wedding photo with you:


My mom is the bride, I'm in red on the far left. I do realize I am not wearing shoes. I was starting a Thing. (Ok, what actually happened is that my mom had a little trouble walking in heels, and they hurt her feet. I encouraged her to take them off, so I joined her so she wouldn't feel wierd. Then all the other bridesmaids joined us, and we started a Thing of a Shoeless Reception. It went well.) I also realize this is a cruddy photo from my cell phone. Deal.

I have mixed feelings on the dress, but overall, I feel like I rocked it. Look at me, I'm actually holding myself up confidently and I'm not trying to hide behind someone or in my hair.

In short, I'm awesome. How do I know I'm awesome, you ask?

Because I deadlift a new max of 225 lbs, that's why. 

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