I was scared stupid that I would see him and he would call me fat.
My weight is my greatest weakness. I can't handle it when the scale calls me fat - there was no way I could survive my father doing it.
So for weeks, I stressed over it. I cried when the scale went up because it meant it was that much more likely to happen. I had many a depressive episode in that time period, and was not very good to myself.
Then I went to the wedding... and guess what? He didn't even show his face. I stressed out that bad over something that could happen, never stopping to think about the opposite - what if he didn't?
Once I realized I was in the clear - I felt light and happy and relaxed. Finally. I realize now that this one thing has been stressing me so bad, I couldn't even function at times. And that's just silly.
He didn't show up. Crisis averted. Instead of being called fat, the opposite happened. Everyone, who I haven't seen in quite a few years, told me how good I looked. That I looked healthy and gorgeous, and one person even spent a good amount of time talking up my awesomely muscular arms. Seriously.
So I'm sharing a wedding photo with you:
My mom is the bride, I'm in red on the far left. I do realize I am not wearing shoes. I was starting a Thing. (Ok, what actually happened is that my mom had a little trouble walking in heels, and they hurt her feet. I encouraged her to take them off, so I joined her so she wouldn't feel wierd. Then all the other bridesmaids joined us, and we started a Thing of a Shoeless Reception. It went well.) I also realize this is a cruddy photo from my cell phone. Deal.
I have mixed feelings on the dress, but overall, I feel like I rocked it. Look at me, I'm actually holding myself up confidently and I'm not trying to hide behind someone or in my hair.
In short, I'm awesome. How do I know I'm awesome, you ask?
Because I deadlift a new max of 225 lbs, that's why.