Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Breaking up is hard to do...

I broke up with my scale.

I have been using WiiFit Plus as a way to track my weight – I have over 4 years of obsessive weight checking logged. Obsessive meaning I have been checking at least 5 times a week.

The scale affects me too much. I can't use it as a simple way to track progress, because I'm extremely emotional about the results.

If I lose weight – even if it's .01 lbs, I'm happy. I'll update all of my weight tracking tools, make a happy Facebook status, and spend all day with a smile on my face.

However, if it goes the other way and I end up gaining weight – even .01 lbs, I panic. I begin questioning whether I'm eating too much, how much salt did I eat, am I exercising enough, what did I do wrong? I work myself into a frenzy because I feel like such a failure, and I end up berating myself all day until I just collapse into a sobbing wreck.

I'm  obsessed with what the number on the scale says, so I've decided to not let it rule my actions anymore. Losing .01 lbs is not a cause to celebrate with cake, and gaining .01 lbs is not a cause to call myself a fat cow.

I've let that number rule me for far too long, and my happiness should not depend on what the scale says.

I've had my fitness goal set to 135 lbs for a long time, but why? That's what I should weigh, if I had a healthy BMI, apparently.

Right now, I have a BMI of 32.4, which is classified as Obese. 135 lbs would give me a BMI of 22.4, which is in the Normal range. However, BMI is also just a mathematical formula designed to help you figure out an estimated healthy weight, and it isn't always accurate.

If I manage to reach 150 lbs, but I reach a toned, athletic and fit state of being – am I still overweight? Or is hitting 135 by being extremely strict about my caloric intake, even if it results in 'skinny fat' a better goal?

I'm beginning to learn that my fitness can't be measured by how much I weight or how much body fat I'm carrying. In CrossFit, there are 10 general physical skills to focus on rather than your weight: Cardiovascular/respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, coordination, agility, balance and accuracy.

I feel like those 10 areas combined really do help you determine fitness, and so I'm working towards changing my goals completely.

I broke up with the scale, and I will no longer let how much I weigh determine my self worth. I can't say that this will be easy and happen over night – I have years of self-degradation to undo. I will, however stay off the scale.

I'll continue to monitor my workouts through Fitocracy and my journal at CrossFit and track my progress through what I accomplished rather than my weight. I'll also continue to take monthly photographs to better see the actual changes to my my body.

It's time to stop being obsessed with what the scale says, and work on being fit.

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